It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
