My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
