so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
