Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
