Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
