reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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