How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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