After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
