I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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