I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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