One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
