Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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