I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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