remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
