uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
