I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
