dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
