I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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