look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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