I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Im part way to drunk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
