false alarm. still invincible.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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