She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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