Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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