this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
