actually, I'm a sock model
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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