I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
