I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
