You're so nebulous sometimes
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
