i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
