Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
