i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
