I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize