The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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