the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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