The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
