do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles