i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.