pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.