I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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