i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.