Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
