Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
