did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
