her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
