Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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