she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
