just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
