I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
