god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
