Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
