oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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