Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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