So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
