The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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