Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.