New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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