when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
