I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
