the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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