Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
