I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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