Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
