He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
