You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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