I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
