can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
