We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
