My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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