the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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