too bad you live with your parents still
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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