He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
