final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
