Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
