i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
