Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
