my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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